Near Death Experiences
by lauraforthewinoswald
Summary: "Amy was 14 the first time she'd mentioned her odd fascination with death" - After the Dream Lord makes them chose realities and Amy kills herself, Rory worries Amy's intrusive thoughts are coming back. (Set right after 'Amy's Choice' and right before 'The Hungry Earth'). Obvious warning for thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts)
1. Is That A Promise?

"Are you alright?" Rory walked into their bedroom on the Tardis.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?" Amy scoffed. "It was a dream so it wasn't real."

"Ok, it's just... you didn't know. As far as you knew, it could have been real." Rory sat down beside her on the bottom bunk trying not to hit his head. He'd have to talk to The Doctor about the arrangements.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." Amy's voice was less angry this time, almost a whisper.

"So, you're not having... thoughts...?" Rory was trying to be delicate, he didn't want to sound like he was nagging. Or worse, like one of her psychiatrists. "It's just, after last time ... I want to know that you're ok."

Amy sighed. "Yeah, thanks." She smiled. "I'll be fine, honest." She gave Rory a hug.

Amy was 14 the first time she'd mentioned her odd fascination with death. It was late spring and the school year was nearly over. Amy and Rory always walked home together back to his place after school. She sat on the grass in Rory's backyard next to the bright orange chrysanthemums his father had planted in the garden. Rory could only smile at her, the flowers matched her hair. She'd grown so beautifully, he didn't know what to do with himself. They talked about summer plans and the pressures of the upcoming school year.

"Three more years and we're finally done with school." Rory sighed as he laid down in the grass, using his backpack as a pillow. "Well, then there's college." He added.

"I don't know if I want to go to college." Amy looked down at him as he laid beside her. It felt good to sit next to him, she felt safe. "I just don't see any point in college. I just want to grab my things and go, travel the world, see the universe. There too much world to see to spend my time stuck behind a desk all the time. Sometimes I feel so trapped..." Amy paused for a moment. She knew she could tell Rory anything, they'd been best friends since they were 7. She knew him well, she knew how he liked to worry. But she had to tell someone about it. If she didn't get the words out she'd burst. "Rory, do you ever feel like you're trapped in your own body? Because sometimes I just wish... I want to feel what it's like to ..." She wanted to find the right words. "What would it feel like to almost die? It must feel like total freedom. Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes and let everything melt away forever."

"But you can't experience traveling the world and the universe and everything if you're dying." Rory replied. He looked up at Amy who was looking out into the distance, deep in thought. Rory sat up. "This is all hypothetical, right?" He asked. "You're not actually interested in... You're not thinking about killing yourself, are you?" He found himself holding her hand. He hadn't told her how much he loved her, he wasn't ready yet. He feared he might never be ready but at least he knew he had her friendship. He almost felt guilty for wanting something more. "Amy, you can tell me if you're in trouble. You know I'm always going to be here for you." He held her hand tighter as if she might drift away from him then and there. She just turned and looked at him with a sad smile, tears escaping her hazel green eyes. Rory took both her hands in his. "Amy...I've just got to say that..." He wanted to confess his love but his gaze turned to the flowers behind Amy and couldn't help but chuckle. "You look like the chrysanthemums in the morning, all orange and red and covered in dew drops." He reached up and softly wiped her cheek with his hand.

Amy chuckled through her tears. "That's got to be the sweetest thing I ever heard." She nudged him playfully. "I didn't know you were such a romantic. Keep up the poetry and I might just have to kiss you."

"Is that a promise?" Rory smiled, looking shyly at the ground.

"Did you just try to flirt with me?" Amy laughed.

"What?" Rory looked up. "I'm sorry... I... I was just.." Rory was blushing with embarrassment.

"Relax, I know you're only joking to make me feel better." Amy put her arm around Rory's shoulder.

"Did it work? Do you feel better?" Rory asked.

"Yeah, thanks." Amy replied.

He hadn't been joking when he'd asked that question. He had been thinking out loud, wishing really. After that reaction, Rory knew she'd laugh if he confessed how much he loved her. At least he could still make her happy as a friend.

The first time Amy almost died, they were about 2 months away from graduating. Amy had just turned 18 and had just drank half a bottle of tequila when she got the idea to look through the medicine cabinet. It was like she woke something up inside her, the curiosity to know what it'd be like came back. She woke up in a hospital bed hooked to an IV.

Rory came rushing into the waiting room as soon as he heard. "Where is she? What's happened?"

"She got a little carried away at the party." Melody explained. "Um... sit down for a minute, Rory. I got to tell you something" She sat down next to him. "I found Amy in the bathroom and an empty container of sleeping pills by the sink. I don't want to say it but... it looks like..."

"Yeah..." Rory was attempting to hold back tears. "She'd told me once that she'd thought about it but that was years ago and I never thought she'd actually..." His voice cracked as he started to cry.

Melody hated to see her father cry. "Don't worry, she's ok." She hugged Rory. "She got her stomach pumped and she's fine now, just resting."

"I just..." Rory tried to speak through sniffles. "When Sharon called, she made it sound like Amy was dying and I thought I'd lost her, Mels. I love her and I've never been able to say it. I'm sure you knew that already, it's probably obvious to you. You never miss a thing."

"Just tell her you love her already." Melody put her hands on Rory's shoulders and shook him a little. "Lives are hanging in the balance here!" She spoke of her own life, mostly. It was a wonder she was ever born with how shy Rory was.


	2. Acting First And Thinking Later

Aunt Sharon walked into the hospital waiting room while balancing her mobile on her shoulder. "Ugh... great, I'll have to call you back." Sharon hung up as she noticed Rory wiping away tears while Melody hugged him. "Is she dead? God, tell me she's not dead!"

"She's not dead, Sharon." Melody rolled her eyes.

The nurse walked in with the news that Amy had woken up. The three walked into the hospital room and before Amy could hardly open her eyes, Aunt Sharon was already berating her. "How dare you do this to us, Amy?! We were scared sick!"

"Were you?" Amy replied flatly.

"Is this what you wanted, all eyes on you? Well, we're all here, you have our attention." Sharon scoffed. "I honestly do not understand you, Amelia. After all we've done for you.." Sharon looked at Rory, who was wiping the last of his tears on his sleeve. "You see what you've done?" Sharon pointed at Rory. "You're hurting your friends with your selfishness!"

"It's alright, Sharon." Rory stopped her. "She's ok so... It's fine, just let her breathe. She's been through a lot tonight."

"Yeah, quit nagging her, Sharon!" Mels took Sharon's hand and began taking her out of the room. "Amy and Rory need alone time."

"Alone time, what the hell is that supposed to mean?!" Sharon tried to fight Melody pushing her out of the room but Mels ultimately got her way.

"Thank god she's gone." Amy chuckled. She looked up at Rory, who was attempting a half hearted smile. "You're angry with me, aren't you?" Amy asked.

Rory sat at the chair beside her bed. "I'm not angry at you." He took her hand. He wanted to say then that he loved her but he couldn't. She was frail and by no means ready for any serious news. "You know, I was thinking of going into nursing..." He said. "I found this great program, you study while you intern. I'd be helping people, hopefully doing something useful for a change."

"You're already plenty useful to me." Amy smiled.

It took another 8 months before Rory finally admitted his love for Amy. It was a cold winter night when Rory invited her over to watch a movie at his new place. Rory was doing alright for himself working at the hospital, got his own little flat and everything. It was just one very large room with a TV, a couch with a coffee table and a bed but it was his. It started snowing and they'd brought out all the blankets they could find while they sat in the couch by the TV. "It's getting pretty serious out there, I might get snowed in tonight." Amy spoke in her blanket cocoon with nothing but her face peeking out. She had one hand out to hold her mug of cocoa, which Rory had made for her.

"Amy..?" Rory turned to look at her. "I want to say..." He locked eyes with her and almost lost his courage. "Umm... Amy, you... you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Amy just sat there looking at him, nothing but the hum of the TV and the whistle of the wind to break the silence. A smile slowly crept up on her face. It all hit her quite suddenly, her love for him. She'd always cared for him in the sort of way that best friends care for one another. But this was different, seemingly out of the blue she'd fallen in love. She'd never been happy with anyone but him. "Rory, I love you." She smiled. "I think I'm honestly in love with you." Amy sat her cocoa on the coffee table and shed her blanket cocoon. "I just came out of nowhere, this incredible urge to kiss you."

Rory chuckled. "I've been fighting the urge to kiss you from the moment I met you." All those years he spent pining for Amy and she said it the second she felt it without hesitation. "Do you really, honestly want to kiss me?" Rory asked.

Amy didn't speak, she just acted. She locked lips with him and wrapped her arms around him. Rory put his hands around her waist and kissed her back. Hands began to move more frantically over each other as the kisses grew deeper. Amy took hold of Rory's shirt by the collar and positioned him over her as she laid her head on the couch's armrest. Rory was always there when Amy needed him and Amy needed this, she craved a physical connection. She began to move her hands under his shirt. She realized the weight of what Rory had said, he'd been holding back kissing her for almost 12 years. She wanted to relieve his pent up frustration to show how much she truly appreciated him. Her hands moved from under his shirt to the button on his trousers.

"Wait..." Rory whispered. It was like he'd suddenly woken up from a dream half surprised. He'd ended up on top of Amy, snoging while wrapped up in her legs. It was certainly a dream he'd had before but this was actually happening. His next move could change everything. Amy was so quick to take action, she went from confessing her love to attempting to get in his pants in 2 minutes flat. She was famous for her impulsiveness. Amy had a destructive habit of acting first and thinking later, her raw emotions as the only thing to guide her.

"Oh, come on..." Amy whispered back as she took his hands and began to guide them under her blouse. "Live a little."

"Is this really what you want?" Rory asked. Amy was good at separating the physical from the emotional, that's why she was so great at her kissogram job. She could kiss a stranger like she meant it and then walk away like nothing happened. Rory wasn't like that and there was no way he was going to let her kiss him and then walk away like it didn't happen. He wanted to know he wasn't just a customer. He wasn't going to play the friend with benefits.

"You said you'd waited 12 years to kiss me." Amy chuckled, sitting back up on the couch. "You really want to keep waiting for the rest?"

Rory smiled. "It has to be right. It has to be the perfect moment."

"There's no such thing as the perfect moment, Rory." Amy reached over to the little coffee table and grabbed the bowl of popcorn. "Open.." She commanded and Rory opened his mouth as she tossed some popcorn in. They chuckled and Amy cuddled up beside him as they focused their attention on the TV again.

"If there's no such thing as perfect moments, I think this one comes pretty close." Rory smiled.

"You stop with that soppy nonsense." Amy smacked him jokingly upside the head. Amy couldn't think of a more perfect moment herself.


	3. Sunny Skies And Rio

Amy stood staring out of the small window in her bedroom on the Tardis. She took a deep breath as galaxies floated past. Her actions all seemed ridiculous once she snapped out of it, as if she'd become another person. She walked out into the console room to find The Doctor and her fiance tinkering with the gears and wires underneath the controls. "Have you repaired the tardis yet? I'm ready for the next stop already. I was thinking something sunny, something tropical" Amy leaned over the railing to look at them as she spoke.

"Rio! We could do Rio. Carnaval!" He hit a big button on the Tardis console and they started flying.

"Yes! Rio sounds amazing." Amy jumped excitedly. "I'll go get changed." She ran back to her room, leaving the boys alone in the console room again.

Rory looked at The Doctor while he carried on pressing buttons. "Doctor, can I ask you something?"

"Ask away, Pond!" The Doctor replied.

"I'm not a P..." Rory just sighed and continued. "Before, in the dream world the dream lord thing made us go through.. When Amy... you know.." Rory couldn't say it aloud. "It's not the first time she's tried it." Rory whispered.

"I know..." He replied quite seriously at first but then he slowly attempted a smile. "I'm sure she'll be just fine. I mean, look at me. I'm fine."

"Yeah but you're not..." Rory paused. "Are you...? I mean, have you ever...?"

"I'm a little bit difficult to kill. I just wake up in a new body." The Doctor chuckled but there was a hidden sadness behind it.

Rory put his hand on The Doctor's shoulder. "If you ever need anything to talk to..." Rory shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "I mean, I'm not a psychologist, I'm just a nurse. But I'm good at listening."

The Doctor smiled and scooped Rory into a hug. "Rory Pond, you are gorgeous!" He planted a big kiss on his forehead. "I know Amy will be just fine as long as you're around."

"But what if something happens?" Rory asked. "What if I'm not around. I mean, I want to be but I can't be there all the time, right?"

The Doctor shook his head understandingly. "Don't you worry about it anymore, Pond." The Doctor smiled. "It's all sunny skies and Rio from here on out."

"Right." Rory smiled. "She'll like Rio."

"What about you, Rory?" The Doctor asked. "What do you like? We could plan the next trip for you."

"Sorry, I'm a little boring." Rory shrugged. "I sort of want to go home." He chuckled. "But this is nice, traveling with you and Amy. It makes Amy happy so..."

"Are you happy, Rory?" The Doctor asked.

"I've got Amy, I couldn't be happier." Rory smiled shyly. He suddenly got scooped up in a big hug by The Doctor. Rory chuckled, "You know, Doctor. .. I wanted to hate you at first."

"I know... you had every right to." The Doctor cast his gaze downward to the floor. "But I always liked you, Rory. I was hoping you'd come around." He suddenly smiled big again.


End file.
